Wow. I see a blank space before me and my mind somehow simulates it.
It's been a while since i've last posted, and suddenly this fear is gripping my throat, because i find myself scrabbling desperately to locate that elusive identity i lorded over in this cyber realm. It's as if i strode forth into a new epoch of existence and forgot to take a few essential items with me. Like a personality.

Something too much of this.

I'll tell you about my day, because it is a sordid little pleasure of mine to know that i've made another human being comatose.
Well actually, you're in luck. There's nothing much to tell. I woke, spent a couple of hours mooching about, then motivated myself to the next level of reading drowsily, peaked at beginning to write an introduction for my long essay, lost momentum halway through a word, and the rest of the day went downhill from there. Basically, I lapsed into a stupor and consigned myself with dramatic weariness to the pitiability of my being by observing comedians making fools of themselves on youtube.

Humour is such a particular thing. There is no joke, sketch or scenario that packs the paragon comedic punch to titillate the universal side. Call it narrowminded subjectivity, but honestly, the things some people laugh at! Stadiums of people roaring at some feeble pun or impression which would be subject to the most disdainful expression the facial muscles can work if it was spun at any other time than a comedy performance or show. I firmly believe in the theory that half the reason the audience laughs can be sourced from expectation and atmosphere. Well the two depend on each other really; the second is the partial plural of the first, add lighting, add sound, add setting. You can't blame participants pumping themselves up with air before a performance, ready to release the pressured, pre-packed and aimless hilarity, and explode it into a toneless 'haw haw' the air. The attitude: you pay to be amused, and you're damn well going to convince yourself you've had a good time. Eke the performance for all it's worth. Let intelligent sensibility impale itself if it's going to intercept your potential to be entertained.

Following that disparaging critique of the economic-minded or mind-less entertained, i have to put in i do have a great deal of respect for comedians. It doesn't quite have the right timbre, that word, 'respect'. Too serious to attach to such waggish careerists. But just that aptitude, to create laughter as though it was a chemical compound, and they some deviant, insane chemist.

Imagine life without laughter. Not even the occasional snigger eruption. How bleak. How terrifying.

I don't think it's something that defines youth, i won't be ageist. This almost rapacious search for a high. But don't you imagine older generations sampling humour like good cheese?

If only one could learn scholastically because one wanted to. As though it wasn't a grudging action, spoken of with whine or a moan.